I rarely read actual books lately. Actually I've never been much more than a beach reader anyway. I will occasionally get on a kick and read an entire series of books during the summer, but it's not looking promising for the summer of 2013! I'd like to blame my schedule, because as you know it's hard to read and drive or read and cook or read and do laundry. Those are the things I do most when I'm not working on LifeWay stuff or selling oil and vinegar or at the pool with Sarah or crafting with Sarah. And if you believe I'm crafting with Sarah I have some beachfront property right here in the KC metro area I'll sell you before you read my last post.
I digress...
The point is that I'm not much of a reader. However, I do find time to catch up on my favorite blogs from time to time. I'd love to start sharing a few of my favorites every week and hear some of yours. Blogs are such a fun, quick way to keep up with everything from friends and family to trends in fashion or new recipes. I read several blogs weekly, but many I just read whenever the mood strikes or I have an extra minute or two. Tonight I'll share just a few of my regular reads.
If you are a Southern gal or you know one, please do yourself a favor and check out boomama.net. Boomama is Sophie Hudson from Alabama, and she's a riot. I do not know Sophie personally, but I swear she's lived my life. She's one of the best storytellers I've ever read, and her tales of life in the south are just simple hilarity. In fact, her brand new book, A Little Salty to Cut the Sweet, came out this summer. I read it in two nights. My best friend and I must have called or texted each other 50 times in that 48 hour period just to say, "I swear that's us!". If you aren't southern, then you might not totally get it, and you might be even more convinced that all us southern gals are out of control after you read it. Then again, you might just understand me a little better if you check out Sophie's blog.
A local blog that I keep up with is lessonsfromaisle12.blogspot.com by Angie Wilkinson. I count Angie as a personal friend even though we rarely see each other. She is a fellow mom, women's minister, lover of Jesus and Bible study, and KC suburbanite. I appreciate Angie's honesty and biblical perspective on everyday life as a mom, friend, daughter, and wife. Angie has helped me with a couple of LifeWay events and I wholeheartedly believe that she will have a great book of her own out soon! For encouragement in this crazy mom life, head over to Angie's blog!
I can't write about my favorite blogs without mentioning the ONE blog I read EVERY DAY. If you are involved in any kind of women's ministry at all, you have to subscribe to blog.lifeway.com/womenallaccess. My friends at LifeWay Women update that blog daily with fresh encouragement for your walk with Christ as well as resources for your ministry. A variety of folks guest blog for them, and I've even written a few things myself. I retweet, share, text, and email this blog to poor Natalie (my church' s women's team leader) far more than she would like simply because it's so good! Natalie would probably appreciate it if you all would check out the blog, and tell them Gayla sent you, simply in hopes that I'll stop bugging her! The funny thing is that I'm pretty sure she subscribes to it but I just keep sending it to her...just in case she missed it.
And lastly, though this isn't a blog, I couldn't end this post without screaming from the rooftops about the best book I've seen in forever. My brilliant, humble, Godly husband and pastor just had his first book released last week. Refresh, A Moment with God in the Middle of Your Day, was released on Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/Refresh-Moment-God-Middle-Your/dp/1938514246) and Barnes and Noble (http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/refresh-blake-mckinney/1115757166?ean=2940016798394). Blake's dreamed of writing a book, and we've prayed for this for 20 years. These devotions have been written brilliantly for the purpose of refocusing you on God's love, mercy, grace, and specific direction during your everyday routine. I know I'm biased, but it's a great addition to your devotional library. It's actually trending on Barnes and Noble as one of the hottest moving books so maybe I'm not the only one who thinks it's worth the read!
I'd love to hear what you are reading! What books or blogs not only entertain you but also make you think or bring you encouragement? Let me know if you have a blog of your own!
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
I spy...
My summer routine pretty much consists of driving 3 kids to various activities from 9 am to 5 pm. I know! You are probably thinking that it's a shame our poor children are so busy with little time to enjoy summer. You are probably having an urge to give me the address for some of those better mommy blogs where they write about their precious ones running through the sprinklers or playing with chalk or making crafts. Speaking of crafts, you probably want to suggest I do some with my four year old as we talk about Bible stories. Trust me, she did some two weeks ago with her wonderful grandmother. Here is a photo of sweet Sarah when I picked her up from what we call "Camp McKinney" which is actually a week with Blake's parents. She couldn't wait to show me the paper mache' pig she made!
I've pinned about a million craft ideas on Pinterest, but here are the ones she did with Grammy last week so I'm thinking she's crafted out for awhile anyway. Aren't they adorable?!
And by the way, she even cooked with Grammy AND ran through their sprinklers! See, my kids really are having a perfectly lovely summer!
I did recently get super creative with breakfast...notice the frozen waffle and paper plate.
As much as I try, I'm not that kind of mom usually, and we aren't that kind of family. I'm okay with it, really! It's how we thrive honestly. I mean, seriously...this crazy family will choose the vacation to a crazy big city over a leisurely mountain cabin any day. I'll spare you all the pictures of our recent trip to Washington DC. Even when we are in nature, my husband and sons prefer to live on the edge!
Suffice it to say that we really do enjoy being busy.
Please don't judge us! It's not that we don't talk about Bible stories or appreciate some quiet time. We really do! It's just that we find ourselves in the high school, middle school, and kindergarten stages all at the same time. All three of our kids are active because they want to be. They each have their own activities, so we have some really great opportunities to meet other families in our community. We have dinner together around the table almost every night. During the school year we have breakfast together every school day and morning devotions.
But one of my favorite things about all the busyness is that we have captive moments in the car to talk about Jesus. We also try to spend the beginning parts of our drive praying for others. We pray for teachers, coaches, church staff, neighbors, even strangers in ambulances as they rush by. When several of us are waiting in the car for a sibling to finish summer school, voice lessons, drum lessons, ballet, gymnastics, church orchestra, or pool time we have the best conversations about how we see God at work in the world! (Here we are waiting for Justin to finish a voice lesson. You'd be surprised how much you can learn about God's love for us as you see hints of redemption even in Disney stories on the ipad!)
Because we are in the car a lot, we play several car games. One of our favorites is "I Spy".
A funny thing happened this week as we pulled out of the garage. I reminded Sarah that we needed to pray for Coach Jana as we headed to gymnastics. Sarah volunteered to go first and started, "I spy with my little eye..." before we both started to laugh! Sometimes we don't think before we speak. Sometimes we just "phone in" our prayers. We did pray for Coach Jana and talk about how we have to take that seriously. Sarah honestly just said what came very naturally to her in the car...she wasn't trying to be funny, but I was reminded by Sarah that prayer really is an invitation from God to spy Him!
I believe that He is always at work, but when I'm consciously praying about something or someone I'm compelled to watch for an answer. Honestly, it's sometimes easy to go for hours in the day without acknowledging His presence or speaking to Him. I know i should be praying, but I just get busy. I don't know if my prayers change God's mind necessarily, but I do know that prayer changes me. It focuses me. It reminds me that He is doing something so big that I'd hate to miss it! It's an invitation to play "I SPY GOD!"
Do you spy God at work in your busyness. Prayer is the best way to make yourself spy God! If you are talking with Him, asking Him to reveal Himself, then looking hard for Him, you will spy Him! God spoke to the rebellious nation of Israel through the prophet Jeremiah and even said, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you..." (Jeremiah 29:13-14a)
My challenge to you, to myself too, is to play "I spy" with God! Talk to Him! Ask Him to reveal Himself to you in new and surprising ways. Beg Him to move in your life and your circumstances. Plead with Him to move in your friends' lives. Even tell Him and others where you've "spied" Him lately! I'll just bet that when you pray about some things and then watch for His answers, you'll spy Him in all sorts of places!
This week I'm hoping to spy Him at the gym!
I'm betting He'll turn me upside down in the process! (Sorry, I couldn't resist!)
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Happy Father's Day!
I just love that so many of my friends are posting photos of their fathers on Facebook! I've enjoyed seeing many pictures of men who were dear to me as beloved friends' dads! I wish I had a photo of my own dad, but he passed away almost 15 years ago. Dad and I had a weird relationship, not exactly what I wanted, but he most certainly loved me in the ways he thought were important. I've thankfully had several other father figures throughout the years and each of them gave me love in their own way.
Bobby Graves was my father. He was born in 1920, and was almost 50 when I came along. Now that I'm almost 50 with a preschooler I completely understand why he wasn't always warm and fuzzy with me! He was exhausted by then, having already raised two boys and daughter. My sister was his princess who came along 10 years after the boys, and when I came 10 years after that he must have been tired! Even though he wasn't exactly an overly involved dad, he did have extremely high expectations. I'm forever grateful that, even though he never graduated from high school, he INSISTED that I finish college. He bought this small town girl a blue Chevy truck when I was 16 and then made sure I could drive anywhere! He never missed a basketball game or a football game if I was cheering. He never made much money, in fact I remember that he made $13,000 the year he retired from the US Forrest Service when I was in high school, but somehow I had more than I needed and was allowed to travel more than most kids in my small town. Most importantly, he made sure I NEVER EVER missed church, and I used manners. The best memory with him was when he took Mom and me to Germany when I was in college to visit where he had walked and fought in WWII. I'll never forget watching that hard man sob at the site of the Remagen Bridge, where he fought bravely and lost so many friends. I was changed by that experience and learned so much about him during that visit. He died when Justin was only 6 months old, and I wish my children could have known him.
My brother Ronny Graves was the father figure for me for much of my teenage and early twenty years. He is 20 years older than me and has two daughters, Kristal and Karmen, who were so much more than nieces! His girls were like sisters to me so he treated my more like a daughter than a little sister! Though Ronny was always stationed far from home in the Army, we visited him and his family every summer. He and my sister in law, Nancy, always treated my like their very own! They took me to see my first movie. They were cool parents!! Going to the pool with them on base at Ft. Hood was like visiting the Hawaiian Islands to me! Ronny is a teacher, and I can't tell you how much I still learn from him! He's patiently taught me everything from German, cake decorating, horsemanship, and scripture. He's the father figure that hugged me and told me he was proud of me as a teenager. He even rented a sports car for us to drive one time in college, and I've never forgotten it! I always wanted to marry a smart man because Ronny was smart and could converse about any topic! It's been fun to watch Ronny and my husband, who is also smart, talk about everything from religion to politics to family. I love my brother Ronny so much!
Larry Graves is my OLDEST brother. I love to say that to him! He's actually the closest thing to a father I have today. Though Larry and I hardly spent time together as I was growing up, we're making up for lost time now. Larry and I talk almost every Sunday night. What means the most to me is that he really keeps up with what's going on with my children and my everyday life. Honestly, Larry is exactly what I need in a father figure these days: he knows what I'm involved in and he keeps up with what I'm accomplishing. He says words like, "I'm so proud of you" and "You're doing a great job." He and my sister in law, Milly, drove all the way from Houston to Kansas City to visit us, and that means the world to me! He gives me great advice when I need it, but he realizes I'm an adult! I honestly wish that we lived closer to each other because not only do I think he's the best, but my children really love him. He's the closest thing they will ever have to a grandfather on my side of the family, and I love it when my children get to spend time with him! I love my OLDEST brother Larry so much too!
JV McKinney is my father in law. I knew I was in for it when we first met because he interrogated me about all sorts of things. I assumed the interrogation came from his desire to not waste his son's time with a dingbat, but after 25 years I've decided that he just enjoys conversations about issues, And though we don't often agree on the big issues to him, I'd just bet that he at least appreciates that I have opinions. JV is the absolute best photographer I've ever known. Any great photo I have of my children was taken by him. He's also generous beyond imagination. He never charges anyone to take photos because it's just his passion. And speaking of passion, the man is 100% passionate about whatever he's doing. I like that...and I'd like to say that I've developed some of my passion about life watching JV. Since he and Blake are SO MUCH alike, I guess I'm most thankful to JV for creating the atmosphere in which my amazing husband matured. The single best thing about me is my husband, and JV did much of the work raising Blake! I love JV!
Of course my favorite dad in the world is my husband. Blake is the absolute dream of what I always thought a dad should be! He's patient, kind, affectionate, and gentle. He has extremely high expectations and is a wonderful motivator for the kids. He's warm and fuzzy, smart and passionate, full of wisdom, and more humble than anyone I've ever met! He accurately portrays our Heavenly Father to our children, to me, to our church, and to anyone he meets. Now that we have Sarah, I see so much of his relationship with her as exactly what I wanted and needed as a little girl! I realize that my own father lived in a different generation and he just didn't have anything else to give...but I'm so thankful that I get to relive that dream by watching Sarah and Blake!
Happy Father's Day to these dads in my life!
Bobby Graves was my father. He was born in 1920, and was almost 50 when I came along. Now that I'm almost 50 with a preschooler I completely understand why he wasn't always warm and fuzzy with me! He was exhausted by then, having already raised two boys and daughter. My sister was his princess who came along 10 years after the boys, and when I came 10 years after that he must have been tired! Even though he wasn't exactly an overly involved dad, he did have extremely high expectations. I'm forever grateful that, even though he never graduated from high school, he INSISTED that I finish college. He bought this small town girl a blue Chevy truck when I was 16 and then made sure I could drive anywhere! He never missed a basketball game or a football game if I was cheering. He never made much money, in fact I remember that he made $13,000 the year he retired from the US Forrest Service when I was in high school, but somehow I had more than I needed and was allowed to travel more than most kids in my small town. Most importantly, he made sure I NEVER EVER missed church, and I used manners. The best memory with him was when he took Mom and me to Germany when I was in college to visit where he had walked and fought in WWII. I'll never forget watching that hard man sob at the site of the Remagen Bridge, where he fought bravely and lost so many friends. I was changed by that experience and learned so much about him during that visit. He died when Justin was only 6 months old, and I wish my children could have known him.
My brother Ronny Graves was the father figure for me for much of my teenage and early twenty years. He is 20 years older than me and has two daughters, Kristal and Karmen, who were so much more than nieces! His girls were like sisters to me so he treated my more like a daughter than a little sister! Though Ronny was always stationed far from home in the Army, we visited him and his family every summer. He and my sister in law, Nancy, always treated my like their very own! They took me to see my first movie. They were cool parents!! Going to the pool with them on base at Ft. Hood was like visiting the Hawaiian Islands to me! Ronny is a teacher, and I can't tell you how much I still learn from him! He's patiently taught me everything from German, cake decorating, horsemanship, and scripture. He's the father figure that hugged me and told me he was proud of me as a teenager. He even rented a sports car for us to drive one time in college, and I've never forgotten it! I always wanted to marry a smart man because Ronny was smart and could converse about any topic! It's been fun to watch Ronny and my husband, who is also smart, talk about everything from religion to politics to family. I love my brother Ronny so much!
Larry Graves is my OLDEST brother. I love to say that to him! He's actually the closest thing to a father I have today. Though Larry and I hardly spent time together as I was growing up, we're making up for lost time now. Larry and I talk almost every Sunday night. What means the most to me is that he really keeps up with what's going on with my children and my everyday life. Honestly, Larry is exactly what I need in a father figure these days: he knows what I'm involved in and he keeps up with what I'm accomplishing. He says words like, "I'm so proud of you" and "You're doing a great job." He and my sister in law, Milly, drove all the way from Houston to Kansas City to visit us, and that means the world to me! He gives me great advice when I need it, but he realizes I'm an adult! I honestly wish that we lived closer to each other because not only do I think he's the best, but my children really love him. He's the closest thing they will ever have to a grandfather on my side of the family, and I love it when my children get to spend time with him! I love my OLDEST brother Larry so much too!
JV McKinney is my father in law. I knew I was in for it when we first met because he interrogated me about all sorts of things. I assumed the interrogation came from his desire to not waste his son's time with a dingbat, but after 25 years I've decided that he just enjoys conversations about issues, And though we don't often agree on the big issues to him, I'd just bet that he at least appreciates that I have opinions. JV is the absolute best photographer I've ever known. Any great photo I have of my children was taken by him. He's also generous beyond imagination. He never charges anyone to take photos because it's just his passion. And speaking of passion, the man is 100% passionate about whatever he's doing. I like that...and I'd like to say that I've developed some of my passion about life watching JV. Since he and Blake are SO MUCH alike, I guess I'm most thankful to JV for creating the atmosphere in which my amazing husband matured. The single best thing about me is my husband, and JV did much of the work raising Blake! I love JV!
Of course my favorite dad in the world is my husband. Blake is the absolute dream of what I always thought a dad should be! He's patient, kind, affectionate, and gentle. He has extremely high expectations and is a wonderful motivator for the kids. He's warm and fuzzy, smart and passionate, full of wisdom, and more humble than anyone I've ever met! He accurately portrays our Heavenly Father to our children, to me, to our church, and to anyone he meets. Now that we have Sarah, I see so much of his relationship with her as exactly what I wanted and needed as a little girl! I realize that my own father lived in a different generation and he just didn't have anything else to give...but I'm so thankful that I get to relive that dream by watching Sarah and Blake!
Happy Father's Day to these dads in my life!
Monday, June 10, 2013
What's old is new again...
So I was up particularly early this summer morning to watch LifeWay author Jen Hatmaker on the Today Show. Now honestly, it wasn't really early, but it's summer. And I'm home alone. And I didn't go to bed til 1:30am because (did I mention?) I'm home alone this week. Just in case you don't know me, I need you to understand that it's a big deal that I'm home alone! I haven't had an extended "home alone" time in 15 years so my plan was to sleep late, stay up late, work at the store during the evenings, and write. Up at 7:45am was not on the to do list, but anything for LifeWay I guess. Oh wait, I'm home alone so I'll just take a nap this afternoon! Sweet bliss!
Jen did a great job, of course. Her funny but sarcasticly insightful blog post about being the worst end of the school year mom ever hits the nail on the head in so many ways. Read it here: http://bit.ly/JenHatmaker, but promise me you'll come back and finish this post!!
As I snuggled onto the couch with my coffee in anticipation of Jen's segment I turned on the show only to see about a bazillion teenage girls "on the Plaza" there in NYC screaming bloody murder over some young pop star. I consider myself fairly "with it" when it comes to pop teenage culture, though the use of the term "with it" probably means I'm not actually. Believe it or not, I had never heard of the young man Austin Mahone. Cut me some slack here though because my daughter is only four years old and she thinks Phineas and Ferb are cutting edge. So, like any "with it" adult, I googled the cutie pie! I even went to Itunes and sampled a song. I'm cool like that.
Turns out, cutie pie Austin Malone remade that old Biz Markie song, "Just a Friend". See I told you I was "with it". You remember it if you are a child of 80's, otherwise known as best decade ever! I'm singing it right now out loud in my kitchen because, did I mention, I'm home alone!!!
"Oh baby you, you got what I need! But you say he's just a friend, you say he's just a friend.
I'm not saying you should necessarily download it but it's a catch little ditty, huh? In fact, I can't wait to show it to my teenage sons. I'm sure they'll immediately love it and download it because I'm the role model for them when it comes to music. I'm pretty sure our Ipods have identical music, right? Surely they have all of the Travis Cottrell albums.
Then it hit me, I was one of those screaming girls about 30 years ago. My mom took me to the Hot Springs Mall to see Bo from Days of our Lives at the apex of "Bo and Hope" Days! We waited in long lines, took a bazillion photos with our Polaroid, and made the exact kind of posters those sweet little girls made for Austin! Oh, and there was a lot of screaming and crying and promising to never wash that hand Bo touched again!
My mom tried to act like she didn't enjoy it, but I think she did.
And honestly, I think I've been a part of a group or two like this at a LifeWay Women's event. Haven't you stood in a long line to get great seats at Living Proof Live, just hoping Beth Moore will get close enough to bless your heart or at least figure out where she bought that cute jacket? My BFF and I have a system when we go. She gets in one line and I get in another. Our strategy is whoever gets in first RUNS down to the floor and saves two seats. It's not pretty (or very Christlike) but it works. And if I've rudely elbowed you at some point in one of those lines, I'm sorry, but a girls gotta do what she's gotta do to see Beth's jacket up close.
And then I remembered Psalm 78, an unforgettable Psalm about learning from the past.
"...for I will speak to you in a parable. I will teach you hidden lessons from our past...so each generation should set its hope anew on God, not forgetting His glorious miracles and obeying His commands."
Psalm 78:2, 7 (NLT)
So much about life doesn't change at the core. There will probably always be teenage girls screaming over cutie pie boy heart throbs. So much about me doesn't change. I will probably always have to ask God to give me right motives and completely pure desires even at a women's conference.
But HE never changes. We will always be enamored with the world, it's trends, it's promises, it's fleeting fun. We can even engage culture to teach our children about the faithful love of our Father in Heaven.
James 1:17 says it so well...
Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. HE NEVER CHANGES, or casts a shifting shadow.
Thanks Jen, for getting me up this morning to experience some encouragement in my ministry as a mom and some fun music! I'm cool like that! Now I'm taking a nap.
Jen did a great job, of course. Her funny but sarcasticly insightful blog post about being the worst end of the school year mom ever hits the nail on the head in so many ways. Read it here: http://bit.ly/JenHatmaker, but promise me you'll come back and finish this post!!
As I snuggled onto the couch with my coffee in anticipation of Jen's segment I turned on the show only to see about a bazillion teenage girls "on the Plaza" there in NYC screaming bloody murder over some young pop star. I consider myself fairly "with it" when it comes to pop teenage culture, though the use of the term "with it" probably means I'm not actually. Believe it or not, I had never heard of the young man Austin Mahone. Cut me some slack here though because my daughter is only four years old and she thinks Phineas and Ferb are cutting edge. So, like any "with it" adult, I googled the cutie pie! I even went to Itunes and sampled a song. I'm cool like that.
Turns out, cutie pie Austin Malone remade that old Biz Markie song, "Just a Friend". See I told you I was "with it". You remember it if you are a child of 80's, otherwise known as best decade ever! I'm singing it right now out loud in my kitchen because, did I mention, I'm home alone!!!
"Oh baby you, you got what I need! But you say he's just a friend, you say he's just a friend.
I'm not saying you should necessarily download it but it's a catch little ditty, huh? In fact, I can't wait to show it to my teenage sons. I'm sure they'll immediately love it and download it because I'm the role model for them when it comes to music. I'm pretty sure our Ipods have identical music, right? Surely they have all of the Travis Cottrell albums.
Then it hit me, I was one of those screaming girls about 30 years ago. My mom took me to the Hot Springs Mall to see Bo from Days of our Lives at the apex of "Bo and Hope" Days! We waited in long lines, took a bazillion photos with our Polaroid, and made the exact kind of posters those sweet little girls made for Austin! Oh, and there was a lot of screaming and crying and promising to never wash that hand Bo touched again!
My mom tried to act like she didn't enjoy it, but I think she did.
And honestly, I think I've been a part of a group or two like this at a LifeWay Women's event. Haven't you stood in a long line to get great seats at Living Proof Live, just hoping Beth Moore will get close enough to bless your heart or at least figure out where she bought that cute jacket? My BFF and I have a system when we go. She gets in one line and I get in another. Our strategy is whoever gets in first RUNS down to the floor and saves two seats. It's not pretty (or very Christlike) but it works. And if I've rudely elbowed you at some point in one of those lines, I'm sorry, but a girls gotta do what she's gotta do to see Beth's jacket up close.
And then I remembered Psalm 78, an unforgettable Psalm about learning from the past.
"...for I will speak to you in a parable. I will teach you hidden lessons from our past...so each generation should set its hope anew on God, not forgetting His glorious miracles and obeying His commands."
Psalm 78:2, 7 (NLT)
So much about life doesn't change at the core. There will probably always be teenage girls screaming over cutie pie boy heart throbs. So much about me doesn't change. I will probably always have to ask God to give me right motives and completely pure desires even at a women's conference.
But HE never changes. We will always be enamored with the world, it's trends, it's promises, it's fleeting fun. We can even engage culture to teach our children about the faithful love of our Father in Heaven.
James 1:17 says it so well...
Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. HE NEVER CHANGES, or casts a shifting shadow.
Thanks Jen, for getting me up this morning to experience some encouragement in my ministry as a mom and some fun music! I'm cool like that! Now I'm taking a nap.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Here's my permission for you to skip church tomorrow!
Mother's Day is a complicated holiday! While I'm forever thankful to God for my own mother and I'm overwhelmed to have the opportunity to be a mother, I will never ever EVER forget what Mother's Day used to feel like!
I am an infertility survivor. I distinctly remember Mother's Days when, as the pastor's wife, I had to attend church and pretend that it wasn't hard. I suffered through about 5 years of infertility treatments, 1 miscarriage, several seasons of waiting to adopt, and 1 failed adoption. Mother's Day used to be the worst day of the year for me!
It's no one's fault. No one wanted to make me feel like a failure. No one intended to rub it in that I was barren. I never expected the entire world to forego Mother's Day just because I was miserable, but it was just flat out excruciating every year. Please don't hear me say that God was unfaithful to me! He was sweet and patient and gracious and tender toward me all the time, but I was mad and hurt and depressed and hormonal. I cried and screamed and lashed out at almost every friend or relative who had the misfortune of being around me. It was not pretty.
So why am I writing this?
Here's the deal. As a pastor's wife, women's minister, and infertility survivor I want to say that it's okay if you skip church tomorrow. There, I said it. Skip away, sleep in, go to the lake, stay home and watch a movie, do whatever you need to in order to maintain your sanity.
BUT, press into Jesus while you are skipping. Cry to Him! Scream at Him! Ask Him hard questions! He loves you so much. He really does cry with you. He really does want to be your everything. He has not forgotten you, and He knows the plan.
I call myself an infertility survivor, but please know that no matter the outcome you can be an infertility survivor. You don't survive this horrific circumstance by adopting or finally getting pregnant. You survive by clinging to Jesus Christ with whatever strength you can muster. It becomes a part of your story no matter what happens. He won't let go of you!
And on behalf of every church in the United States, let me apologize that tomorrow we will highlight something that is so hard for you. We don't mean to hurt you. My prayer will be that you can sense God's unimaginable comfort and peace in the midst of what may be a difficult day. His mercies are new every morning, and tomorrow morning I will be remembering you too.
I am an infertility survivor. I distinctly remember Mother's Days when, as the pastor's wife, I had to attend church and pretend that it wasn't hard. I suffered through about 5 years of infertility treatments, 1 miscarriage, several seasons of waiting to adopt, and 1 failed adoption. Mother's Day used to be the worst day of the year for me!
It's no one's fault. No one wanted to make me feel like a failure. No one intended to rub it in that I was barren. I never expected the entire world to forego Mother's Day just because I was miserable, but it was just flat out excruciating every year. Please don't hear me say that God was unfaithful to me! He was sweet and patient and gracious and tender toward me all the time, but I was mad and hurt and depressed and hormonal. I cried and screamed and lashed out at almost every friend or relative who had the misfortune of being around me. It was not pretty.
So why am I writing this?
Here's the deal. As a pastor's wife, women's minister, and infertility survivor I want to say that it's okay if you skip church tomorrow. There, I said it. Skip away, sleep in, go to the lake, stay home and watch a movie, do whatever you need to in order to maintain your sanity.
BUT, press into Jesus while you are skipping. Cry to Him! Scream at Him! Ask Him hard questions! He loves you so much. He really does cry with you. He really does want to be your everything. He has not forgotten you, and He knows the plan.
I call myself an infertility survivor, but please know that no matter the outcome you can be an infertility survivor. You don't survive this horrific circumstance by adopting or finally getting pregnant. You survive by clinging to Jesus Christ with whatever strength you can muster. It becomes a part of your story no matter what happens. He won't let go of you!
And on behalf of every church in the United States, let me apologize that tomorrow we will highlight something that is so hard for you. We don't mean to hurt you. My prayer will be that you can sense God's unimaginable comfort and peace in the midst of what may be a difficult day. His mercies are new every morning, and tomorrow morning I will be remembering you too.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
What my kindergartener taught me today!
Five years ago today I was indoor skydiving with my oldest son on a field trip! I had no idea at that time that I was 6 1/2 months pregnant! On Mother's Day 2008 I discovered that Sarah Grace McKinney was coming into this world, and life hasn't been the same since! Today she went to preschool for the last time. What a whirlwind these five years have been!
As was the case every school day, I reminded her that the first thing we needed to do in the van was pray for her teachers. I even said through tears, "Sarah, today is the last day we will get to pray for Mrs. Lisa and your Sonshine Preschool friends."
She was mortified! "Why can't we pray for them even when I go to kindergarten?" she wanted to know.
What a lesson for me, straight from God Himself! So often I pray for a specific request or person for a finite time, but when the winds change or I become frustrated with the amount of time it's taking to see an answer I give up. Sometimes I even pray until I see an answer but then forget to say thank you to Him.
Simply put, 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says, "...pray continually." That's what Sarah reminded me to do today. There are no expiration dates on prayers, thankfully.
You see, Sarah reminded us of that even five years ago. We'd prayed for a baby so many years before she came, but honestly we had stopped praying long before she was a reality to us. Truthfully we'd stopped because we were content and felt that God had already answered our prayers with the wonderful sons He'd given us through adoption. But just as we are told to pray continually, I've become convinced that God is answering continually. His idea of time is so far above our human ideas that I believe He's answered long before we've even prayed usually. It kind of hurts my finite brain to contemplate how He works, but I'm a fan of it even when I can't totally understand it.
Pray continually. Don't stop seeking His answers. Don't stop seeking Him.
Incidentally, right after Sarah Grace prayed for her preschool teachers and friends, she added, "And thank you for my kindergarten teacher, God! Please help her to be ready for me!"
Amen to that! Only God could prepare that teacher we have yet to know for this child!
As was the case every school day, I reminded her that the first thing we needed to do in the van was pray for her teachers. I even said through tears, "Sarah, today is the last day we will get to pray for Mrs. Lisa and your Sonshine Preschool friends."
She was mortified! "Why can't we pray for them even when I go to kindergarten?" she wanted to know.
What a lesson for me, straight from God Himself! So often I pray for a specific request or person for a finite time, but when the winds change or I become frustrated with the amount of time it's taking to see an answer I give up. Sometimes I even pray until I see an answer but then forget to say thank you to Him.
Simply put, 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says, "...pray continually." That's what Sarah reminded me to do today. There are no expiration dates on prayers, thankfully.
You see, Sarah reminded us of that even five years ago. We'd prayed for a baby so many years before she came, but honestly we had stopped praying long before she was a reality to us. Truthfully we'd stopped because we were content and felt that God had already answered our prayers with the wonderful sons He'd given us through adoption. But just as we are told to pray continually, I've become convinced that God is answering continually. His idea of time is so far above our human ideas that I believe He's answered long before we've even prayed usually. It kind of hurts my finite brain to contemplate how He works, but I'm a fan of it even when I can't totally understand it.
Pray continually. Don't stop seeking His answers. Don't stop seeking Him.
Incidentally, right after Sarah Grace prayed for her preschool teachers and friends, she added, "And thank you for my kindergarten teacher, God! Please help her to be ready for me!"
Amen to that! Only God could prepare that teacher we have yet to know for this child!
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Meet my friend Alyssa!
This is one of my favorite Easter photos this year! Some of you will say, "I didn't know Gayla had a teenage daughter!" This is not my daughter, but my sweet and crazy friend Alyssa! I hope my own daughter will be as fun loving, athletic, and personable as Alyssa! Not only is this a great photo of both of us (it's rare to see both of us in dresses!), but this photo is also special to me because Alyssa and I had some shared experiences leading up to Easter that made it an even more exciting day!
Alyssa is part of the group of teenage girls who just finished studying the gospel of Mark. In fact, we literally read Mark 15 together on the Saturday night before Easter and read the resurrection account in Mark 16 on Easter! Alyssa, however, had already finished the book a few weeks before because she just couldn't put it down!
Before I tell you what she said about it, let me tell you about her. Alyssa is the finest soccer player you'll ever meet! She's an athlete through and through, and she works hard! She's popular at Lee's Summit High School as a freshman. She sings in women's choir at school and rarely misses youth choir at church! In fact, she'd only miss youth choir and Girl Talk Bible study if she had a soccer tournament. I adore her because she will text me both funny stuff and deeply profound stuff. I also adore her because she's plugged in enough to know what's going on with Justin at Lee's Summit West and is my informant if I need one. (I'm pretty sure Justin never reads my blogs so we're safe!) Bottom line: Alyssa is the cool girl I wish I'd been at her age...who am I kidding, I still wish I was as cool as her!
A few weeks ago Alyssa texted me the following:
"Mark 15 I thought was pretty intense, how it just explained what they did to Jesus before the crucifixion so that made me pretty upset because I never really read what they did to him. And then Mark 16 was actually happy! I'm glad I didn't stop after Mark 15 because I'd feel like I would just be depressed knowing that Jesus went through all that torture for me, but then He rose from the dead and went up to the heavens to be with God. I've never really thought deeply about what they really did to him and once I did, it made me so upset! It was crazy! I spent all night when I read it just thinking about it and thanking Him for what he did. I feel like I could never tell Him how thankful I am just because I'm like overjoyed and thankful! The other girls...they need to make sure and read Mark 16 this week!"
When I asked her to share her thoughts on the Saturday night before Easter with the other girls she said, "I'd just heard the story, but I'd never read it for myself! It means so much more! I think I really got it this time. It's been different this year."
That very week I'd been studying Job . I read in Job 42:5 what Job said after his unspeakable losses and the subsequent faithfulness of God, "My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you..." That's essentially what Alyssa was saying without having to lose everything like Job. She'd opened up the Bible and read it for herself, and Jesus would never be the same after that! Can you even imagine what God's going to do with Alyssa! I can't wait to watch her continue to grow! How overly sweet of God to increase my faith and excitement through getting to experience Easter through her eyes!
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