Here's my permission for you to skip church tomorrow!

Mother's Day is a complicated holiday!  While I'm forever thankful to God for my own mother and I'm overwhelmed to have the opportunity to be a mother, I will never ever EVER forget what Mother's Day used to feel like!

I am an infertility survivor.  I distinctly remember Mother's Days when, as the pastor's wife, I had to attend church and pretend that it wasn't hard.  I suffered through about 5 years of infertility treatments, 1 miscarriage, several seasons of waiting to adopt, and 1 failed adoption.  Mother's Day used to be the worst day of the year for me! 

It's no one's fault.  No one wanted to make me feel like a failure.  No one intended to rub it in that I was barren.  I never expected the entire world to forego Mother's Day just because I was miserable, but it was just flat out excruciating every year.  Please don't hear me say that God was unfaithful to me!  He was sweet and patient and gracious and tender toward me all the time, but I was mad and hurt and depressed and hormonal.  I cried and screamed and lashed out at almost every friend or relative who had the misfortune of being around me.  It was not pretty.

So why am I writing this?

Here's the deal.  As a pastor's wife, women's minister, and infertility survivor I want to say that it's okay if you skip church tomorrow.  There, I said it.  Skip away, sleep in, go to the lake, stay home and watch a movie, do whatever you need to in order to maintain your sanity. 

BUT, press into Jesus while you are skipping.  Cry to Him!  Scream at Him!  Ask Him hard questions!  He loves you so much.  He really does cry with you.  He really does want to be your everything.  He has not forgotten you, and He knows the plan.

I call myself an infertility survivor, but please know that no matter the outcome you can be an infertility survivor.  You don't survive this horrific circumstance by adopting or finally getting pregnant.  You survive by clinging to Jesus Christ with whatever strength you can muster.  It becomes a part of your story no matter what happens.  He won't let go of you!

And on behalf of every church in the United States, let me apologize that tomorrow we will highlight something that is so hard for you.  We don't mean to hurt you.  My prayer will be that you can sense God's unimaginable comfort and peace in the midst of what may be a difficult day.  His mercies are new every morning, and tomorrow morning I will be remembering you too.