Sunday, May 13, 2012

Four years ago things were different...

Four years ago on Mother's Day I got a new chance at mothering.  Honestly, I truly hate telling the story because it makes me look like an idiot...but then again doesn't mothering in general kind of work just like that!  I found out that I was pregnant 4 years ago. 

If you love me enough to be reading this blog, then I'm assuming you know my story.  Blake and I have two gifts from God through adoption, Justin and Caleb.  I love them more than I know how to convey.  They have brought such joy and delight to me that I never ever could love anyone more than them.  We did enough infertility treatments to truly believe that God just did not plan to build our family through giving birth.  I was 38 years old and perfectly content with mothering boys, even rather excited that we were almost half way to empty nest.  Blake likes to say that God simply had a different time in mind for answering all those prayers we prayed in our 20's...Blake's much holier than me. I was about 7 months pregnant when I found out. 

If one single person comments, "You're kidding me!  You mean you really didn't know?" I'll probably swear off blogging ever again.  I'll probably never tell the story again or even allow my holy husband to use it in a sermon.  The answer is "NO, I really did not know."  When you've been told as many times as I have that it's impossible, you really come to believe it.  I was never sick, did not really gain that much weight, and honestly thought I was either dying from cancer or just getting old.  My best friend says she knew, but she didn't tell me!  Anyway, after spending a week at Disney and NASA with Justin on a school field trip, indoor skydiving and riding every ride, even doing some astronaut training, I discovered I was pregnant. 

I had two months to prepare for Sarah, but thankfully I had more than enough love and support from friends and our church.  Sarah was welcomed into this family on July 15, and yes she had a completed nursery and full closet!  My life has never been the same.  She is my mini me...and it honestly scares me to death!  My constant prayer is that she will not be like me at all.  Oh Lord, please let her inherit her father's brains and emotional stability! She does make me rethink mothering though.  Mothering a girl seems like so much more pressure to me.  I want her to see a strong, Jesus-loving, consistently courageous and yet tenderly compassionate woman as a role model.  I want her to see that she can do and be anything, even lead and teach!  I want her to be graceful yet thick skinned.  I want her to be just like her brothers, but sweetly girlish and full of feminine nurturing.  It's a lot to mentor a daughter when you haven't really figured out yourself yet, but it's my second chance at mothering.  Oh how I hope I don't mess it up, but I will and I already have.  Thank God for His mercies that are new every morning, and thank Him that she has other "village moms" from which to learn.  Thank God that Sarah teaches me and reminds me to rely on Him.  It's tough being a mom, but I'm glad that I'm different today than I was 4 years ago, or 11 years ago, or 14 years ago.  Thank You God for new chances!


Natalie Curp said...

I know you don't always like telling this story, but I'm so glad you did! Everytime you share it, I'm reminded that God knows the desires of our hearts & He does things in His perfecting timing! I'm also reminded that sometimes we give up and think something is impossible, but anything is possible with God! Your story is a story of hope!

AM said...

Gayla, we've been waiting on our baby girl for almost 5 years now. We know God has a daughter for us in HIS perfect time. Thank you for the encouragement. Amy McCraw